To help encourage conversations and dialogue about adversity, resilience, and our response, our topic/question for the dinner table is: What are your areas of strength? Naming Your Strengths (Week of 1/29/17) (This is an anonymous Google Form)
With this mild month of January coming to an end, I hope everyone has been able to find some ways and time to rest and relax. The weekend was 'bookended' by the arts, starting with Friday evening's performances of It's a Sign and Yearbook at the Blake theater. I continue to be amazed and impressed by our students (both on stage and behind the scenes) and commend their efforts. Thanks to our directors, Tracy and Maureen, for their tireless work and leadership, and special thanks to Susie, Shayn, Nancy D., Nancy M., Patty, Samantha Kerivan, Kim Price, Laura Mulready, and the parent volunteers - a true team effort! Sunday afternoon we had Maggie, Owen, and Grayden's music recital and then thoroughly enjoyed stopping by the Zullo Gallery for the book launching party of Loud Silence by former Blaker, Carina Christo!
As one who likes to find meaning and connections (in our work and relationships, both personally and professionally), I am continually amazed by the threads of relevance that can be uncovered or discovered each day and week. Through conversations, observations, meetings, readings, current events, and reflection I find that my thinking and processing naturally 'weaves the threads' for a narrative of thought. I attended Dr. Robert Brooks's presentation, 'Raising Resilient Children K-12', at Dover-Sherborn High School last Thursday and have been thinking about his message(s) since that time. To practice what I try to 'preach' about continuous learning and opening up dialogue, this week I want to simply share some of my notes from the evening along with a couple of posts that speak to the theme of resilience and adversity. My hope is that they will spark an interest, raise questions, and foster conversations.
A 'snapshot' of my notes, in no particular order (forgive the 'short hand')...
- What helps kids be more helpful, optimistic?
- ‘No guilt here tonight’
- Guilt vs responsibility
- ‘What you’ve done, I’ve done, we’ve done’
- Guilt vs responsibility
- All students need 'Charismatic Adults' (adults from whom a child or adolescent gathers strength') - from Julius Segal's work
- ‘Is my son/daughter stronger or less strong because of the things I’ve done?’
- Schools - is this a climate where all students want to be?
- Are dignity and motivation boosted?
- When students are asked to help out, they feel connections
- When they feel like they are making a positive difference
- ‘We accept kids who and where they are’
- Are dignity and motivation boosted?
- We need to offer hope
- Questions to Think About...
- Who do you turn to, gain comfort from?
- What 3 people are my charismatic adults?
- What 3 people from my childhood were charismatic?
- What 3 people would list me as their charismatic adults?
- Who do you turn to, gain comfort from?
- Charismatic Adults never minimize when a child has difficulty
- Never minimize when a child has difficulty
- Every child has beauty, strengths - ‘islands of competence’
- Never minimize when a child has difficulty
- What is your child’s beauty, area of strength?
- We do with kids what we would never do with adults
- How do you respond when a kid makes a mistake?
- What gift(s) do we give to our children?
- Are we teaching how to problem solve?
- Some discomfort is ok
- How do we turn mistakes into problem solving?
- Some discomfort is ok
- If there is an opportunity to build someone up, why would we pass it up?
- ‘I want my parents to be my defense attorneys rather than prosecuting attorneys’
- We all have the need for unconditional love
- Two Questions for parents…
- What charitable activities have you been involved in?
- What charitable activities have your children been involved in?
- What charitable activities have you been involved in?
“Use Adversity to Your Advantage"
by George Couros (@gcouros)
I continue to be inspired by Couros's work (there has yet to be a post from him that does not resonate with me), and I appreciate his encouragement to maintain the perspective that we are all moving forward.
I have really tried to push people to think about something that they do now, that they swore they would never do. There are many things that have become commonplace to me, that were once a struggle. It is quite powerful to recognize this, because you not only see where you have grown, but you remind yourself that you have the ability to grow as well. It gives us perspective on the past, present, and future of ourselves.
...it helps us to lead others if we use the memories of our own adversity when trying to understand where they are at currently. We can empathize that each one of us that each of is on our own journey of learning and growth, and that what you might now see as your norm, might be someone’s first step. We remember that as human beings, we are all different places in our lives, and what is important is not necessarily where we are, but that we are moving forward.
Resilience: The Common Underlying Factor
by Robert Brooks
This post by Brooks touches on many of the topics he talked about at the presentation and is a nice summary of his work on resilience.
In all of my workshops and writings about the theme of resilience I have posed the question, “What has research identified as an essential factor in helping children to cope more effectively with adversity, to bounce back from hardships, and to become resilient?” As anyone who has read my writings or heard one of my presentations knows, the answer I offer is to have a supportive adult in one’s life, an adult who encourages you and reinforces skills necessary for effective adaptation. To capture the lifelong impact of this adult, I often refer to the late Dr. Julius Segal’s notion of a “charismatic adult,” defined as an “adult from whom a child gathers strength.”
It is for this reason that adults must communicate in an empathic way to children that while they have had little, if any, control over the emergence of certain adverse events in their lives, what they can learn with the assistance of supportive adults is to gain increasing control over their attitude towards and the constructive ways in which they respond to such negative events.
“Extensive evidence collected over decades of research points towards the powerful influence of a composite of personal, relational, and contextual factors that are associated with positive outcomes in the face of adversity. Drawing on this powerful knowledge base, all prevention and intervention programs would benefit from focusing on combinations of the following: (1) facilitating supportive adult-child relationships, (2) building a sense of self-efficacy and perceived control; (3) providing opportunities to strengthen adaptive skills and self-regulatory capacities, and (4) mobilizing sources of faith, hope, and cultural traditions.”
The concepts of 'charismatic adults' and naming/discovering strengths are ones that I would like to think more about as a community of caring adults (parents, teachers, staff, and greater community) for our students. I hope you will join me in these conversations - stop by, grab me in the halls, or e-mail me - I welcome the dialogue!
I look forward to the work that lies ahead for all of us.
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Take care.
Nat