To encourage dialogue and reflection about the practice of gratitude, our topic/question for the dinner table is: What are you thankful for this year? Making Room for Gratitude (Week of 11/21/21) (This is an anonymous Google Form)
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Our weekend was a busy one for sure between basketball tournaments for both boys and theater performances at both Blake and Holliston High School - lots of fun, but I am pretty sure I am not getting the rest my body and mind are asking for! The opening night performance of The Descendants at Blake was truly wonderful - it was great to have the students back in the theater as a community. Congratulations to the cast and crew and thanks to Tracy Allen, Maureen Doctoroff, Joe Knaus, Kathleen Caprio, Nancy McLaughlin, Ann Marie Tremblay, Kim Price, Alice O’Connor, Bruno Joline, Emily Alland, Susan Bycoff, Holly Williamson, and all of the parent volunteers - special kudos to Tracy for her leadership and work with all of the students!
The research is very clear (not much debate) about the ‘science of gratitude’ (and, yes - I am sharing some of the annual references below as it is that ‘time of year’), and I find it is easier for me to ask others to practice gratitude than doing it myself - isn’t that always the case? I find my advice to be wise for others, but when it comes to following my own advice - well, that does not always happen. I typically take this week (the week before Thanksgiving - as much as I push and believe in change, I do love traditions as well!) to reflect and share, in a structured fashion, some ‘realms of gratitude’, for lack of a better description (i.e. Intentional Gratitude, Naming and Sharing Our Gratitude, Time for Gratitude). But, as I shared, it’s been harder than usual for me as of late. This is not to say that I do not recognize how fortunate I am with health, family, security, and care - I do see and feel a deep sense of gratitude for all of this. What I am experiencing, I believe, is reflective of our (thinking broadly) current reality. Everything feels divisive and hard - and, let’s be honest, it just doesn’t feel divisive because things are just that - divisive. It does not take too much time to find divisions these days, locally, nationally, and globally - politics, school board meetings, social justice, racial justice, medical decisions. And I know from conversation with colleagues in my job-alike, we are not alone - these divisions are pervasive and feel ‘ingrained’.
So, where does this leave me with my annual framework for gratitude? Well, I am going to put that off for now (at least for the most part) and will be delaying that formal sense of sharing - for, at least the time being. I find myself yearning for community, hope, and light - through conversations, readings, and connections - and, an acknowledgement of feelings, for myself and others. That is what I am really grateful for - a space to be vulnerable in a collective community. And that vulnerability will help to make room for the gratitude that is so necessary right now. With this in mind, below are a few ‘shares’ (some new, some from the past) that I have helped me - and, in turn, perhaps by sharing they may resonate and make some room for others as well...
Wisdom from John Dewey
These sentiments are ‘annual thoughts’ and hold true once again...
- It is so important to reflect and convey our thanks
- We need to act on our gratitude
- A community must be inclusive of all
- Modeling our gratitude and acknowledging our areas of growth for where we are ‘falling short’ is critical
- We must practice, adjust, listen, recalibrate, and stay with our work - it will help us foster a culture of gratitude and support
- Gratitude is an intentional practice
- I hope we can learn and give thanks to one another
- Giving thanks is something that we all can do
‘Permission to Feel’
In acknowledging these feelings and ideas, the ‘permission to feel’ (Marc Brackett - Permission to Feel) is so important, and I hope we can be attuned to the ways we do this for our students, families, one another, and ourselves. This post below connects the ways that we can give agency (#willfulaction) to these feelings…
Broken promises and disappointment from this pandemic: A chance to tell a new story?
by Robin Stern, Cecily Lipton, and Marc Brackett in The Hill
It is particularly hard for younger people, or those who haven’t had the life experience to know that sometimes things—big things—don’t go according to plan. And a lot hasn’t gone according to the narrative we had planned for ourselves these past 21 months. Many high school students will never have a prom or a “normal” graduation; others spent their first year of college living at home. Adults missed key personal events like family gatherings, weddings, and sharing the birth of their children, as well as professional milestones—arguing their first case in court, presenting at a conference, meeting new colleagues in person.
It’s easy to get stuck dwelling on how it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
The good news is that we can rewrite our narrative, something behavioral health experts call positive reappraisal. Telling a different story about an event through a positive lens can be an important pathway towards resilience and well-being.
The pandemic has provided great practice for positive reappraisal. Instead of mourning the narrative that you thought you would be a part of, why not create a new narrative? Your own. Make yourself the hero, find new themes, invent new traditions. Ask yourself, “What is the best story I can tell about myself during this time?” or “How can I look at this from a different perspective?
Maybe it’s a story of gratitude...Gratitude, in fact, nurtures our well-being. Maybe it’s a story of perspective...Maybe it’s a story of creativity...Maybe it’s a story of something new...Maybe it’s a story of learning about yourself.
The reality of our lives may not be what we want it to be right now, but we owe it to ourselves—and our health—to make the best of things. We owe it to ourselves to create that new narrative.
The bad news is that the ride is broken, and it has been for a while. The good news is that the entire world is still yours to explore, and there are endless ways that you can take control of the direction of the story of your life and decide how you will be in the world as it exists now.
Sampling of Responses from Last Week’s ‘Question of the Week’: What is something (an idea, understanding, or practice) that you are currently rethinking and trying to better understand?
- I am currently taking a reading course. There are many strategies I plan to implement and incorporate into my teaching. I am most interested in trying some new strategies for sightword and fluency development.
- Covid
- My mental health
- COVID
- Geometry
- SBR
- What my connection to the stars is
- How I feel about church and going to support what I believe
- LGBTQ+
- I am trying to understand why mentally taking deep breaths can help you and calm you down.
Some Thankful Sentiments - Shared Each Year (modified a bit)...
Although they most likely read and sound familiar and repetitive each year, I promise that the sincerity of these sentiments continue to grow in their depth. As I share each year, Thanksgiving is a holiday that holds great significance for me and my family since an accident I experienced while running back in 2009. It is hard to believe 12 years have passed since that time (Grayden was 3 months old!). At that difficult time, Katie and I found ourselves filled (overwhelmed, actually) with gratitude, appreciation, and love for the care and support we received from our Holliston and Blake/Medfield communities. Those feelings, sentiments, and emotions are still very strong and present for all of us. Although I will not be sharing my gratitude at an assembly this Wednesday, my gratitude is indeed real - it may be hard to articulate it at times, but my intention remains true to keep expressing it - thank you. It is a privilege to work in a community that has both fostered and encouraged my own growth while also showing deep care for me and my family. I have shared these words from President Kennedy and the post/video below for several years and will be sure to continue bringing them to light...
(7:13)
I encourage everyone to find seven minutes this week to watch the clip and share with others.
In Praise of Gratitude
from Harvard Mental Health Letter
I have shared this brief post the last several years - my very dear friend Mike Norton, who has done extensive work on happiness, sent it to me a few years ago. It provides a nice explanation for why gratitude is important and also offers tips to be more grateful.
In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can't feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.
I would be remiss by not recognizing and naming that this time of year can be a particularly stressful and emotional one for both students and adults - and, maybe even more so this year. Personal situations, the loss of loved ones, or memories can bring forth many emotions, so please be sure to look out for one another and also rely on our community for support. Although I wish I could, I know it is unrealistic for me (particularly this year) to have the opportunity to personally wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving before Wednesday afternoon.
I am incredibly grateful to be a part of the Blake community and believe we are making a difference. Please know that I am always happy and eager to process, listen, discuss, and share - my door is always open. Let us be sure to maintain a culture and spirit of eternal vigilance for learning, listening, and gratitude. As always, thank you for walking this path with us as a community.
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Take care.
Nat