To help encourage conversations and dialogue about the practice of gratitude and Thanksgiving, our topic/question for the dinner table is: What are you thankful for this year? Intentional Gratitude (Week of 11/23/20) (This is an anonymous Google Form)
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The most important attitude that can be formed is that of desire to go on learning. - John Dewey
You cannot teach today the same way you did yesterday to prepare students for tomorrow. - John Dewey
Katie’s aunt passed away unexpectedly earlier in the week after a very full life, and we have been taking time to reminisce and remember stories and time spent with her over the years. I have found myself thinking about the importance of relationships and the impact that we have on others and that others have on us - something that I know we come back to a great deal at school with students, families, and one another. As Katie’s mom shared about her sister, Cindy was one of those people who loved you unconditionally at all times and was always interested in you - when talking to you, she made you feel as though you were the only one in the room. I feel grateful to have known her. These past few days have been particularly full of emotional ups and downs, and the time over the weekend was nice to be able to step back and reflect in the quiet of yard work, reading, and bike rides.
As with many, and maybe most, of our experiences since mid-March, this upcoming week feels very different and I find myself feeling some sadness (grief may be too strong a word) and a sense of loss for how things will be at Blake. This week we typically would be finalizing plans for our annual Celebration of Voice Thanksgiving assembly, taking time to gather all together as a school in a shared spirit of community, gratitude, reflection, and learning. Since my first few years as a teacher at Blake, this gathering has served as a ‘marking of time’ and tradition that has evolved yet stayed true to the tenets of our culture as we officially enter ‘the holiday season’. For a multitude of reasons we have had to put that tradition ‘on pause for this year’ and I would be lying if I didn’t express feelings of sadness and loss.
In an effort to carry forth some of the traditions from past years I have been asking our staff to share some ‘thankful thoughts’, and I have so enjoyed and appreciated the window it has provided into the thoughts, hearts, and minds of our community. My hope is to pull them together to reflect for our students and families - it may look different, but the intent and hope is the same. I noted above this week of emotional ups and downs - one reason is that I have been having a difficult time ‘practicing what I preach’ - I have been struggling to articulate sentiments of gratitude. I am sure I am not alone - or, maybe I am? Either way the frustrations, emotions, and uncertainty has proved to be challenging to always find the space for gratitude and light.
So, back to the words of Dewey...acknowledging the struggle of this dichotomy (asking others to share gratitude while feeling unable to do so myself), I returned to my notes and blog entries from past years. These words held up the proverbial mirror and the spark or window of centering became clear for me - they may not do the same for you, but I hope that they might. For whatever reason the words ‘full growth of all the individuals’ coupled with ‘true to itself’ pushed me into the practice of intentional gratitude. They allowed my curiosity to open up, acknowledge some vulnerability, and articulate some sentiments of thanks. Intention is hard, difficult, and important - a goal we have for all of our students is to learn with intention, care with intention, and act with intention. I believe (as hard as it is) that practicing gratitude with intention is equally important.
These sentiments are ‘annual thoughts’ and hold true once again...
- It is so important to reflect and convey our thanks
- We need to act on our gratitude
- A community must be inclusive of all
- Modeling our gratitude and acknowledging our areas of growth for where we are ‘falling short’ is critical
- We must practice, adjust, listen, recalibrate, and stay with our work - it will help us foster a culture of gratitude and support
- Gratitude is an intentional practice
- I hope we can learn and give thanks to one another
- Giving thanks is something that we all can do
As we enter this week of Thanksgiving, my traditional sharing is one that is grounded in gratitude - gratitude for tangible ‘artifacts’ of recent learning, reflective/active learning, and learning as a community - along with some ‘annual sentiments of thanks’ (they are now always easy to find and recognize, but they hold true nonetheless)…
Recent Learning - I am thankful that we are a learning community that is willing to share and listen to one another
A few examples of recent learning this week...
1) As shared via e-mail to the staff on Friday afternoon, I am thankful for the thoughtful care and facilitation of discussions in advisory this past week about the ‘danger of a single story’ and the need to find more facets to each story. These are important conversations and my (and I hope, our shared) hope is that we will build off of this work with a greater understanding of perspective and empathy - while fostering an ingrained 'practice of curiosity'. This practice of learning is not always easy, but true learning never is - the posts below are ones that have pushed me towards a wider lens on the story of Thanksgiving...
9 Ways to Decolonize & Honor Native Peoples on Thanksgiving
Why Thanksgiving can be painful for many Native Americans
2) Am I Too Easy on My Kid?
by Emily Flake in The New York Times
I have asked this question of myself many times (and more so since March) and the title grabbed me right away for this reason. Flake offers a centered perspective and I am sharing it in the spirit of ‘shared growth and learning’ with everyone as it serves as a reminder that we truly are ‘in it together’ and must listen and support each other as a community.
Instead of a good and bad angel on my shoulders, I have warring parenting philosophies. This was true even before Covid, but is particularly exacerbated by the pandemic.
This is hard on all of us. I have been more forgiving of my own inadequacies in the past few months, in ways that sometimes feel kind and sometimes just plain indulgent, as my pants and the state of my apartment can attest. But the most important thing to remember here is that whatever leeway I give my daughter is a lesson I need to learn for myself first.
There’s an art to being gentle with yourself and with others in a way that doesn’t cancel out the idea of expectations and responsibilities, of keeping yourself in some semblance of order even if it feels like the world is falling apart. I haven’t mastered this art any more than I’ve mastered Spanish, like I said I would at the beginning of the pandemic. Hopefully I’ll figure it out by the time there’s a vaccine available.
3) I listened to this podcast earlier in the week and have shared it with some colleagues, family, and friends - I have always admired Love’s open vulnerability and highly recommend listening to this episode.
Kevin Love on Trying to Achieve His Way Out of Depression
(35 minutes) from The Anxious Achiever podcast
For a long time, the NBA star hid his battle with mental health. But after a very public panic attack in 2017, he started speaking out. Love talks with host Morra Aarons-Mele about role modeling openness about mental health, how he manages his social anxiety as a celebrity, and why basketball both aggravates and relieves his depression.
4) Earlier in the week I listened to the webinar below featuring Ela Ben Ur of Olin College focusing on ‘5 Powerful Questions that help us get unstuck and make things better in any challenge’. The questions are simple, but that doesn’t mean the strategies are easy...
Navigating a Mess of Unending Challenges (56 minutes)
Will Richardson, Ela Ben-Ur, and Homa Tavangar
(@ElaBenUr)
5 Questions…
Who’s involved?
What’s happening? Why?
What matters most?
What ways are there?
What’s a step to try?
Reflective/Active Learning - I am thankful that our community seeks out learning and reflects upon our experiences
Reflection is at the heart of active learning, and I appreciate the interactive nature of engagement that we aim to promote and practice at Blake. I would be remiss if I did not thank the students, staff, and community for the open feedback that we receive - it is not always easy to read, but it is important. The posts below (one looking at our current educational structure and two shared last year) espouse the practice of honest reflection and gratitude and help to keep our learning in a contextual framework, and the sharing of just a few responses from last week’s question of the week help us to listen and stay relevant for our learners and community…
School Wasn’t So Great Before COVID, Either
by Erika Christakis in The Atlantic
Again, the title of Christakis’s post grabbed me - as one who believes we should continually adapting our practices as a school, I am hopeful that we do not (I have shared these words of a dear colleague) ‘sleep through this wake-up call’ and that we carry forth this learning to make necessary systemic changes for our students - some that have been ‘a long time coming’!
For all its challenges, the pandemic presents an opportunity to rethink school entirely. What should we be demanding?
It’s remarkable how little schools have changed over time; most public elementary schools are stuck with a model that hasn’t evolved to reflect advances in cognitive science and our understanding of human development.
As distance learning has (literally) brought home these realities about how we educate young children, an opportunity to do things better presents itself—not just for the duration of the pandemic but afterward as well.
Researchers have found that elementary-school students’ levels of the stress hormone cortisol become elevated during the school year. Peter Gray, a psychology professor at Boston College who studies these issues, says that if school were a drug, it would not receive FDA approval.
Experts across the educational and ideological spectrums agree that a curriculum rich in literature, civics, history, and the arts is essential for strong reading, critical-thinking, and writing skills. But schools have—quite irrationally—abandoned this breadth in favor of stripped-down programs focused on narrow testing metrics.
Schools should also be in the business of fostering curiosity and a love of learning in all children, or at a minimum not impeding the development of those traits...As we muddle through the COVID-19 era yearning for a return to something close to normal, we shouldn’t squander this occasion to imagine how much better “normal” could be.
How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain
by Joel Wong and Joshua Brown in Greater Good Magazine
This brief post offers insight into the psychological benefits that exist when one practices gratitude. The intentional practice of gratitude is an important take-away from this post.
- Gratitude unshackles us from toxic emotions
- Gratitude helps even if you don’t share it
- Gratitude’s benefits take time
- Gratitude has lasting effects on the brain
Regardless of whether you’re facing serious psychological challenges, if you have never written a gratitude letter before, we encourage you to try it. Much of our time and energy is spent pursuing things we currently don’t have. Gratitude reverses our priorities to help us appreciate the people and things we do.
The science behind why you shouldn’t stop giving thanks after Thanksgiving
by Colby Itkowitz in The Washington Post
This post highlights the importance of gratitude, including an interview with gratitude expert, Robert Emmons. I came across this two years ago and it clearly had an impact on many readers, as at that time it was being ‘republished’ - Editor’s note: This post is being republished. The advice is timeless.
On most days, gratitude manifests as an emotional reaction to a favorable event or outcome. But it also can be a way of life. People who consciously choose daily to seek out things in their lives to be thankful for are, research has shown, happier and healthier.
The best way I practice gratitude is to continually think about those people who have done things for me that I could never do for myself. Who is looking out for me, who has my back, who has made my life easier because of their sacrifices? Who and what do I take for granted? Then gratitude becomes, real, concrete, personal. We all have people like that in our lives. I make a mental list of these, and try to think about ways in which I can give back some of the goodness I have received. Basically, I try to practice being non-self-absorbed. Non-grateful people are self-absorbed. Grateful people are absorbed by the good that others are doing for them. Focus on the other — this is the best gratitude message we can give people.
Indeed, gratitude rescues us from negativity. Left to their own devices, our minds tend to hijack each and every opportunity for happiness. Negativity, entitlement, resentfulness, forgetfulness, ungratefulness all clamor for our attention. Whether stemming from our own internal thoughts or to the daily news headlines, we are exposed to a constant drip of negativity. Doom and gloom is on the horizon, as financial fears, relational turmoil and health challenges threaten us. Weighed down by negativity, we are worn down, worn out, emotionally and physically exhausted. To offset this chronic negativity, we need to continually and perpetually hear good news. We need to constantly and regularly create and take in positive experiences. Gratitude is our best weapon, an ally to counter these internal and external threats that rob us of sustainable joy. In gratitude, we focus on the giftedness of life. We affirm that goodness exists, even among the rancor of daily life. This realization itself is freeing, liberating, redeeming. Gratitude works!
Sampling of Responses from Our Last Topic/Question (Week of 11/16/20): What are some ways that we can learn more about other people, cultures, and their 'stories'? Be specific.
- We can ask them to "tell us more" when they bring up a topic that is important to them!
- It is helpful just to be curious about what other versions exist of any story. Just like any disagreement features multiple perspectives, it is helpful to try to consider multiple points of view. "Walking a mile in another's shoes" is timeless and timely advice.
- Number one: By listening to listen and not listening to respond. Also by truly being interested in the information. Reading! books written by authors that are different than you, about stories that are different than yours, and cultures that are different. Engaging in other types of media such as newspaper, social media, radio, podcasts, tv/movies etc...that tell stories of cultures and people that are not like you. It's way more interesting too and opens us up to different worlds and makes us more inclusive.
Learning as a Community - I am thankful that our community cares for one another as learners, students and adults alike
As one of the co-facilitators with Susan Bycoff for our New Teacher Induction/Mentor Program, I have the fortune of being inspired and challenged by our work as educators. We certainly do not make all of the right decisions or steps, but the culture of our district is one of care, commitment, and growth. I find this work critical as we work to bridge our schools, bring educators together, and provide a forum for educators to examine and share practices. This past Wednesday our new teachers had the opportunity to join a meeting co-hosted by MCAP (Medfield Cares About Prevention) and MCSP (Medfield Coalition for Suicide Prevention) with Melissa Clark, founder of GSA Link. It was excellent and spoke to the importance of vulnerability, care, and openness for all of our learners and families. The questions/prompts below are ones that I had asked the group to think about during the meeting...
- What are you thinking about during this talk/workshop/presentation?
- What does a safe and supportive learning environment look like?
- Are 'labels' important? Why? Why not?
- (Thinking about 'Someday/Monday')...What is one thing you will start doing with your students tomorrow? In the future?
- What is one thing you are going to stop doing with your students (or be mindful of) tomorrow?
Some Thankful Sentiments - Shared Each Year (modified a bit)...
Although they most likely read and sound familiar and repetitive each year, I promise that the sincerity of these sentiments continue to grow in their depth. As I share each year, Thanksgiving is a holiday that holds great significance for me and my family since an accident I experienced while running back in 2009. It is hard to believe 11 years have passed since that time (Grayden was 3 months old!). At that difficult time, Katie and I found ourselves filled (overwhelmed, actually) with gratitude, appreciation, and love for the care and support we received from our Holliston and Blake/Medfield communities. Those feelings, sentiments, and emotions are still very strong and present for all of us. Although I will not be sharing my gratitude at an assembly this Wednesday, my gratitude is indeed real - it may be hard to articulate it at times, but my intention remains true to keep expressing it - thank you. It is a privilege to work in a community that has both fostered and encouraged my own growth while also showing deep care for me and my family. I have shared these words from President Kennedy and the post below the last few years and will be sure to continue bringing them to light...
(6:25)
I encourage everyone to find seven minutes this week to watch the clip and share with others.
In Praise of Gratitude
from Harvard Mental Health Letter
I have shared this brief post the last several years - my very dear friend Mike Norton, who has done extensive work on happiness, sent it to me a few years ago. It provides a nice explanation for why gratitude is important and also offers tips to be more grateful.
In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can't feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.
We must also make sure to recognize and remember that this time of year can be a particularly stressful and emotional one for both students and adults. Personal situations, the loss of loved ones, or memories can bring forth many emotions, so please be sure to look out for one another and also rely on our community for support. Although I wish I could, I know it is unrealistic for me (particularly this year) to have the opportunity to personally wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving before Wednesday afternoon.
I am incredibly grateful to be a part of the Blake community and believe we are making a difference. Please know that I am always happy and eager to process, listen, discuss, and share - my 'virtual door' is always open. Let us be sure to maintain a culture and spirit of eternal vigilance for learning, listening, and gratitude. As always, thank you for walking this path with us as a community.
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Take care.
Nat
#willfulhope #willfulaction #longasIcanseethelight